The 800-year-old Monastery of Silent Contemplation has been thrown into chaos after the installation of high-speed internet led to an unexpected consequence: the monks have discovered online shopping and can't seem to stop.

What began as a practical necessity for managing the monastery's finances and communicating with benefactors has evolved into what Abbot Benedict describes as "a spiritual crisis of unprecedented proportions." The delivery trucks that now arrive daily have become a source of both embarrassment and theological debate within the cloistered community.

"We installed WiFi to help with our bookkeeping and to allow virtual participation in liturgical conferences," explained Brother Thomas, the monastery's reluctant IT administrator. "We never anticipated that Brother Augustine would develop an obsession with artisanal coffee makers or that Brother Jerome would become a connoisseur of imported olive oils."

The problems began innocently enough. Brother Marcus, the monastery's cook, started ordering specialty ingredients to improve the community's simple meals. "I thought, why shouldn't we have the finest saffron for our rice?" he reasoned.

"We took a vow of poverty, not a vow of poor taste."

However, what started as modest culinary upgrades quickly escalated. The monastery's Amazon account now shows orders for everything from ergonomic prayer kneelers to a $3,000 espresso machine that Brother Augustine justified as "essential for maintaining alertness during Lauds."

The situation reached a breaking point when Brother Peter, the monastery's treasurer, discovered that the community had spent $47,000 in three months on various online purchases. "I thought we were being hacked," he admitted. "Then I realized it was just Brother Francis buying his fifteenth set of premium fountain pens."

Abbot Benedict has called emergency chapter meetings to address what he terms "the Amazon crisis." The community's traditional vow of simplicity has been challenged by the ease of one-click purchasing and the allure of customer reviews.

"Brother David spent two hours explaining why he needed a $800 meditation cushion," the Abbot recounted. "He had read 47 reviews and was convinced it would enhance his contemplative practice. I didn't have the heart to tell him that St. Benedict meditated on rocks."

The monastery's delivery situation has become so problematic that UPS has assigned a dedicated driver to the route. "I've never seen anything like it," said driver Mike Sullivan. "These guys order more stuff than a suburban family at Christmas. Last week I delivered a hot tub that Brother Michael claimed was for 'baptismal preparation.'"

The monks have attempted various solutions to curb their spending. Brother Luke suggested implementing a "cooling-off period" for all purchases over $50, while Brother Matthew proposed that all orders require approval from two other brothers. However, these measures have proven ineffective when faced with flash sales and limited-time offers.

"The temptation is real," confessed Brother Anthony, who recently purchased a $1,200 telescope "for contemplating God's creation." "You start looking for one thing, and suddenly you're reading reviews for products you never knew existed. Before you know it, you've convinced yourself that a smart home system is essential for monastic life."

The situation has attracted attention from other monasteries, with several abbots reaching out for advice on managing technology in contemplative communities. "We're becoming a cautionary tale," Abbot Benedict noted. "The Cistercians are using us as an example of why they stick to dial-up internet."

Some monks have found creative theological justifications for their purchases. Brother Paul argued that his collection of rare books (ordered online) enhances the monastery's library and serves the greater good. Brother Simon claimed his fitness equipment helps maintain the "temple of the Holy Spirit."

The community is now working with a financial advisor who specializes in religious communities to establish better spending controls. They've also instituted a "digital fast" one day per week, during which internet access is completely disabled.

"We're learning that technology is a tool that requires wisdom and discipline," reflected Abbot Benedict. "Perhaps this is God's way of teaching us that even in the 21st century, the ancient virtues of temperance and self-control remain essential to monastic life."

The monastery has decided to donate many of their unnecessary purchases to local charities, though Brother Augustine has successfully argued that the espresso machine should remain "for the good of community morale."

As the monks continue to navigate the challenges of modern technology, they're discovering that the path to holiness in the digital age requires new forms of ancient wisdom.